By Hannah Brzozowski
You ever have those moments where you realize something about yourself that’s pretty obvious but somehow you never really realized it until now? Well, I discovered something about myself recently: I am afraid... every day. I am constantly thinking about the “What if’s?” What if they don’t like me? What if this whole new church thing doesn’t work out? What if Nick gets cancer? What if people hate this post that I'm writing right now? (Ok, sorry, that one was oddly specific) Every day these thoughts pop into my head and I don’t even realize that I’m thinking about it. Until my stomach gets all turned into knots and I get the overwhelming sense of anxiety. Nick recently noticed how often I worry and now he’ll ask when I get quiet: “So, what are you worrying about right now?” And then I go on to list off about 20 different related and unrelated things going on in mind at that moment. By the end of it, I’ve stressed him out so much that he says something to the effect of “How do you handle thinking about all of these things all the time?” Last week, I realized that I’m sick of being afraid all the time. So, I started to pray and not in this sort of Sunday School, nice type of prayer but in a raw, tears streaming down my face, type of way. Asking God to take this fear away from me. Asking Him to do what only He can do in my mind and in my heart. And you know what? I actually started to feel better. I felt this courage that I haven’t felt in a long time. Now, I wasn’t unrealistic. I knew that worry and fear would come back. That’s why I looked up some verses on fear right after that so that I can quote them to myself the next time. My favorite came from 2 Timothy: “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” I’m sure I’m not the only one who worries a lot. If you’re like me, please know that you’re not alone. And most importantly, please know that God is always there to take your worries and turn them into courage.
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